Ended 2012 with a...

19 months - note to EK

My little baby is getting so big!! I mean really a real pony with a side part! Big girl! You really are showing toddler signs now, talking up a storm and very intuitive. Poppa is so good at teaching you (so am I but he is really good). He said today he wanted you to be a heart doctor when you get big. I said why so she can care for us when we are old! Really be whatever you want to be but be big! Don't settle for medium strive for BIG!

Loves: playing with baby, momma and poppa, playing with the iPhone, vacuuming or sweeping

New words: you try to say a lot, apple, up, banana, pops & Mimi, poppy and lulu, Sarah, love to sing twinkle twinkle and you have the tune to abcs, EEIO

Animal sounds your the best!! Elephant with the arm trunk is classic and my favorite is the monkey, poppas is elephant

Food: kinda in a whatever here, love steak, shredded cheese, oatmeal with sprinkles, apples, yogurt

Note to littles -2months

2 months and you have taught your momma so much. You have challenged me in so many good ways and truly I will be a better person from being your momma! One thing you have taught me to be better at is a big life thing that I want you to always work on. Don't judge others as you don't know their story and the story of life really does effect how someone may be acting or reacting. I learned so much from sitting in the hospital each day, walking in and out, and watching people in the halls (your momma may stare sometimes!). But really so many people dealing with so much and then after you leave the revolving door it was a big world where the average joe doesn't know what is going in your life. Just remember this when dealing with others. Never an excuse to not give 100% and never give up but does mean everyone will take their own road.

You both are amazing and at 2 months you are so strong, already lifting and holding your head. You LOVE the bath! We are working on eating and I think right now the bottle will be our answer. Littles, you are little power houses doing a lot of sleeping and eating!

Lots of love,
Momma

So we meet again...

Pump (said in ek tone). Yes I thought we had said our goodbyes but it's best we start again. We had the littles 2month check up on Friday (doc x2 takes twice as long!) which means weight check. MM was up to 6 lbs and MF was 4lbs 4 oz. 2oz over 12 days is not the gain we want for mighty. This means we are back to fortifying the breast milk and watching how much she eats from the bottle. For me if one is on a bottle then both. So back to pumping ... Don't think I didn't have my curse words with that pump but after a good long run yesterday I know in my gut that bottles will be better now and maybe in long run. It already seems to be helping after just one solid day.

EKs face below sums up all of our feelings at the end of the 2 hour check up. 5 people in a little room with all our stuff and eks glitter shirt leaving a touch of fairy dust everywhere = long mid morning. Along with the normal 2 month check and shots we had to be tested for RSV. The littles have a pretty good cold and let's just say I held my breathe while we waited for the verdict. She said positive would mean head to hospital and negative close monitor. HOME we went after that appointment thank goodness! So littles still aren't released by doc to be around other kids and best to continue to keep them home. Oh man! I know it's best but this momma likes to go! Good thing we just got a new panera with a drive through! Gain some weight and get to feb( doc says rsv season peaking now so downhill now!) and watch out world 3 in bows will be on the loose!

Holly Jolly Christmas Day and after

I love the holidays and this year we got the greatest gift x2 and we were all home to enjoy it. I did not miss the packing and unpacking if the car at all this year. We lounged in jams (even poppa!), baked cookies for santa, watched Home Alone by the fire, and went to bed wondering what HoHoHo would bring 3 good little girls! Ek loved it all! points to stroller and says HoHoHo! Morning was spent playing and eating poppas best pancakes! snuck in an afternoon run before friends came bearing wine and dinner. Perfect cold winter day! Next day we had more fun family visit. A fun lunch and chats! I an sad to see the holidays end but ready to take it down. I won't lie had it down on the 26th after family left, ha! We also snuck in a photo shoot with A, post coming soon!!

A very MERRY Christmas from my family to yours!

'twas the night before

It was a house full of family with lots of Christmas joy! There were a lot of EK dance parties and puppy chasing. We enjoyed a lot of food and sweets. The girls loved the family snuggles. It was a weekend full of holiday fun. We were sad to be missing the king and queen and hope king feels better soon. Santa made his first visit and boy o' boy we are lucky! Best Santa, lulu and poppy, and aunts and uncles ever. It was a Very Merry Christmas!

Mary Margaret

Today is a very bittersweet day. Today my Granny joined the heavens and will be one of, if not the strongest angels. I loved my Granny and if she taught me one thing it was, there is nothing a lady can't do!! My Granny raised 9 kids after losing her husband, she traveled, she played sports, she went to shows, she had lots of friends, she did it...she was strong willed, tough as nails, determined, courageous, loving, and right down to the end she NEVER gave up.

I wanted to name my 2nd girl after her for all those reasons and more. I never thought that it would all happen like this. Today was the day I was scheduled to have a c section and my girls had their own plans as you know, already taking after Granny. Granny also had her own plan and she took her last breaths today with Poppy by her side.  She is now smiling above us all with her love, Frank.

Granny, lots of love to you and I know you will be watching over us all. Your spirit is with us all and your name will live on.

Moment in time

I have to post a short post that I am sure ill have to dig up some day when I have 3 girls fighting over clothes. Yesterday early morning that 5am time I was feeding the girls with ek snug in the rocker as well. I may have dosed a moment and when I opened my eyes looked down ek was holding mm hand.....tears. It was a soft peaceful hold and really a moment I will cherish. May sound too deep but these are the moments that make me so happy as a momma. I don't want to forget them!

Builder had a similar moment, came in to his eyes all red. He was watching all 3 girls and ek was busy playing and when he looked over she was in between the 2 swings holding the girls hands...makes her poppa melt.

We of course have the gentle hands needed or a scream but truly these 3 girls are going to be the best of friends. I pretty sure if anyone messes with the girls ek will take care of them. Nothing better than sister love.

Different

I have been letting the pictures tell the stories these past few posts. We truly have been soaking it all in. Keeping it real there is lots and lots of good but we do gave craziness which is totally expected with 3 under 18months (almost 19 months!). The strangest hour is 5am in our house; girls need to feed, ek normal wake up to snuggle with us, Otto starts to stir and well you imagine the rest!! But no complaints from this momma!

So different...when you go at something the second time you change or add a few things. So this time biggest add on is another baby!! But list again so I remember:
1. First night in the crib in their own room
2. Nap nannies-everyone raved and I love them!
3. Video monitor -again everyone raved and I agree, expensive but love
4. Schedule -this was created in nicu so not sure I can take credit but with 2 a big help. Still hard to stick with it so I would say with one babe I would stick with whatever
5. Waking a sleeping babe- again one we have to do and once they say we are good we won't
6. Color coding - not needed before but I may go overboard on this! Reason to monogram!! A already has be set with bottle monograms color coded!
7. Nursing pillow- great for two or one but not a necessity with one

The rest has been the same just times 2!

Can't post without a pic. Yesterday was 57 and I had to get out on our first walk! Me, ek, oh bother, and the double bus. Very short but everyone enjoyed!

Lots of holiday JOY this weekend

Soaking it in

Day One and Two

Life is good! Enjoying the moments!! Do you know how much I love a baby in the 3 button little white t-shirt... Melt. Both girls went in yesterday to doc for weigh in, both were up!!! I had my final release today and all is good. I will miss my ob, I truly think she is the best. Tears today with her as she truly is the reason I have two healthy babes. From day one she kept me informed and guided us through. She truly goes over and beyond. Just love her! Good start to the week for the Mandas family of 5!

Last day

Quick back up as the last few days all moved so quickly. Sunday morning I was quietly sneaking out if the house at the normal 8:20 to be one time for 9 feeding. Sneaking because Ek and poppa were still sleeping, bonus two sleep in days back to back. House phone rings and I see Boone Hospital, stomach drops and tight knot. It's Miss Pam and she requested I bring car seats!!!!! I hung up and tears. The day was getting closer and I was so ready. Loaded both car seats and tears on the crisp Sunday. I never walked so proud into the hospital. Soon my girls were coming home. Funny thing is after all this time I had not put the straps or winter covers in the car seats!

Day got even better when I arrived, Dr. O was ready for us to room in with the girls. Overnight and Car seat test we are so close! Car seat test, the girls had to pass the car seat test as part of the release process. Sit in car seat for an hour and half. They passed but in real car they don't want them in for longer than 30 minutes. That afternoon we left our second home for the past 6 and half weeks. Bittersweet as these nurses have changed and touched our lives in so many ways. It was some of our favorites on our last day, I promise I could not do what they do each day and I am forever thankful for them. Tears and up to the peds icu for an overnight. Are we really at this point??!!!! Could not have been more excited so close!

Christmas wish...

Came true!!! We are a family of 5 all HOME!!! More detailed post for now soaking in my girls, my fire, Christmas shows, and poppa baking. This day is a feeling I am not sure I can put into words. So thankful and so blessed.

Welcome home Mary Matilda and Margaret Frances!!!!

Ho!Ho!Ho! Fun in Pictures

On the move!

In more ways than one and we love it. This may sound wrong but I am not sure how else to say, we can unplug the girls and be cord free for feedings and can feed in the nursing room!!! First time was a fail yesterday but not the girls fault. Nurses could not decide on a 3 or 4 hour schedule and girls could not keep up either! Met with doc and we are now on a set 4 hour that no one but baby can change. The rest of the day went great with feedings, getting the 2 at once down.
It felt so great to just scoop the girls up and then watch them be wheeled around. Still can't just walk out of there but our day will come!!

We also kicked off a busy weekend of holiday fun with a holiday dance show for our good friend. She did great and this studio puts on the cutest holiday program. EK loved it!! Signing more after each dance up to the very end then she needed to dance in aisle and try to get to stage. Watch out poppa this girl likes to dance!! She may or may not already follow a little dance instruction, she is good! Have no fear we will be dancing at home for some time!! At the end Santa came and Ek could not keep her eyes off and saying "ho!ho!ho!"!!However as it became out turn Mrs. was all she would see and not happy about it. Tried for Santa and loudest shriek ever!

In order to leave girls have to keep eating and are not huge fans of the bottle so night feedings with momma will have to happen. So at 9pm we headed back up. Very normal to have a nurse, 3 babes and poppa and I all in the nursing room at 9pm. Poppa took a quick break from the bar, another normal thing, right?!! No normal anymore over here! It was the first time EK got to be up by the girls. After getting all the pacies and 2 new ones from nurse she was set!! Oh pacies, another momma lesson 'let it go'! It was wild in there but not one person seemed phased! Oh what fun it will be!!'

St. Nick was good to us!

Margaret is now in the open crib!!! EK got a healthy report from the doc for her 18 month check up, no shots!! That was a bonus since getting weighed was enough for her, boy oh boy she hated that. Moved back to a 4 hour eating schedule today and girls did well. We just need to keep eating and breathing and growing, that's a lot but they are doing great!

Shoes are out...

St. Nick is coming tonight! EK took care of putting the girls booties out as well. Good day for the Manda girls!!!

Open air!

Matilda has made the big step to an open crib! Margaret is vet close so soon they will both enjoy the new bed! Poppa had a big first with Margaret and tod me "they set world records"...first bottle Poppa fed and the most Margaret has taken. Their eating is getting better each day. The girls are doing great and are so darn cute!!

Ek is her wild self!! New words each day latest has been up. I have to say the little pea sure dies remind me of myself in so many ways, good and the not so good!! Haha!!! It's going to be a wildly busy and fun ride!!!

When you don't have anything nice...

Learn to say nothing at all!! I won't lie I typed a post Friday twice, one I stopped writing and one just disappeared right as I went to publish, another sign not to post! It really all turned out fine just a little moment in Friday of my children may be in the hospital but I still have the momma gut when something is off. We had a floater nurse and let's say she was not up to snuff on her skills. I was running on no sleep because ek is getting every tooth possible and got the darn hand, foot and mouth ( not hoof which is the bad one). The lack of sleep continued for Friday night so I may or may not have worn a pj shirt all day at hospital. It was the day they moved to trying all day feedings so no time to change. Oh well, they did great!!! Momma was tired by Saturday night or should I say dead. As I say I write this blog for me to remember and from these two days I hit the "I'm over it". What I'm over:
-the PUMP not complaining that I get milk but ouch!
-Driving to hospital
-The annoying revolving door that is always broken or makes sudden stops with new visitors
-Only having 40 min every 3 hours and trying to decide home or stay
-the terrible bows on outside light posts that need fluffing, lulu you will not approve!
-the strange lady at the door during the week

Ok that felt good and already makes me laugh. This experience has truly changed me and makes me think twice ( maybe too much second guessing as poppa said today make up your mind!). But truly before you pass judgement on anyone just stop and think you don't know there story. Their story is not an excuse but rather molding who they are. I have seen and heard so much over the past 5 and 1/2 weeks; I have cried listening, been shocked, saddened, smiled, celebrated (the quads went home today!)This whole journey has been highs and lows, ups and downs. We are not done and I KNOW we can do it!!

Matilda hit 5 lbs on Friday! Honest mom moment I don't remember oz or MF weight. Both bounced on and off a little oxygen both days as the work to maintain their own temp without meds. Both did go back on caffeine dose for few more days to help with desats(hospital lingo that I never thought I would know!). Both girls were at 26 today on temp and 25 they move to crib! Both are nursing well and we even did great at both at same today, crazy!

So all momma wants for Christmas is her 3 little girls and poppa home (Oh bother too), promise I have been good!

Big Step

5 weeks today and big day! Momma needed this! It's time to start the process of moving to an open crib!! Before now the temp was controlled by the bed and the didn't want clothes in order to respond easier to breathing issues. Today it was time for clothes, a onesie, outfit, and the swaddle blanket. Momma was so excited to dress and hold the bundles. Again every step big or small geeks good. Each feeding they check temp of girls and if its around 98 the bed gets turned down more. The started at 3pm today and got turned down again at 6!! Go girls!! I can't wait to see the bundles in baby beds!! I may have teared up when doc said clothes. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and I'm so ready for my babies to all be home. Our day will come and I know I don't want and they won't rush anything but it will be a feeling I can't describe.

We celebrated with some holiday cheer, tree night!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like..

Christmas! My favorite time of the year. I truly love it all. The atmosphere, the music, decorations, the meaning. Truly the best part this year is watching the magic through eks eyes. She shrieks at every tree, lights, and Santa! She has the best ho!ho!ho! It's one of the things that has kept me pushing on! We took Christmas joy to the girls bed side too! Nurses love it!

Girls update:
MM is off the little bit of oxygen and had a great day! Loved having a tape free face back to kiss on today. Both girls went up in food to 40ml and 50ml. Both red blood cell counts were up, 32.4. Docs laughed at them being the exact same and reviewed twice! They didn't have big weight gain last night but did go up a few grams. Good Wednesday for the girls! Ek learned a new word today, "sit" (may sound like shit!) oh bother your a good pup and put up with a lot but she does share lots of snacks!

Happy holidays!!

Note to ek---18 months

A year and a half and I can't imagine life without your sweet, fierce self. We have had an out of normal last month and it has not stopped you from bringing joy to everyone's life. When you walk in a room, store, hospital you greet everyone with a "hi" and leave with a "bye" in your southern way! Immediate smiles occur! You know how to make people laugh, your poppy face and funny faces! You know when people need a hug or a kiss. Your pat, pats are truly the best. I love how at such a young age you get it and get others. You have helped me so much this month, you have no idea. I could not do it without you. Always remember its the small things that can send a big message.

Love Forever momma

At a year and a half:
Favorite foods: fruit, yogurt, Chinese( you love egg rolls!), Popsicles, Cheerios, cheese

New words: momma, truck, cracker, ho!ho!ho, pacie, tootie, still your favorite Otto and poppa!

Loving: You love art projects, playing with baby doll, reading books, taking a bath , chasing Otto

1 Month

Yesterday the girls were 1 month old.  Still unbelievable that they are here and now 1 month has passed.  The girls continue to amaze us with their strength and determination.  Their lives may have started off differently then we would have hoped for but they exactly what I had hoped for, 2 strong little babes!

Note to my 2 tiny girls:
At 1 month old you have shown every girl out there that truly if you don't give up anything is possible. You have fought from the start and show no signs of stopping.  I love that fight!  I pray that you never lose that determination.  Things in life will be hard (I can tell you this past month has been one of the hardest months of my life_ but keep a positive outlook, fight on,  and good things will come.   What you all have fought through the last month many people have never had to do in a lifetime.  There is nothing you can't do, I am confident of that!!

At 1 month old:

MM-You weigh 4lbs 12 oz.   You love to sleep on your belly or right side.  When you open your eyes really big, your face just lights up.  You keep the nurses on their toes, today you pulled out your feeding tube!  All the nurses talk about how cute you are!!

MF- You weigh 3 lbs 9 oz.  You love your belly and right side as well.  The nurses call you Mighty Margaret but you are a tiny little thing that is keeping up with the big babes.  You always have a smirk on your face, you love to smile when your sisters dings, she gets you back!  You are a mover and grunter. Already always on the go!!

Update from today:  The girls had their eye examines today to check on the development of the eye.  Not a seeing test.  The docs says nothing looks abnormal and later this week we will have the report back from STL Children's hospital doc.  MF had been having some breathing episodes yesterday and today, she would hold her breathe and forget to take that deep breathe.  This afternoon they put her back on a very small dose of oxygen.  Very normal and they expect to take her off in just a few days or sooner.    Remember a few steps forward and few steps back.  Hardest part of this process. The eye examine is a lot for the girls, they have to dilate the eyes and the process is a little invasive for them so they were tired the rest of the day.

 

Bath time!

A first for momma, a real bath with Margaret! She lived it a only cried at the end. Amanda our nurse says, "Oh mom your on trouble this girl is going to love spa day, she is ready for a mani and pedi!" Matilda hit Tootie snuggles and was so happy, she was up for a bath with night nurse last night. MM weighs 4lbs 9 oz and 45 ml of milk. She also had her first bottle at her 3am feeding, took 12 ml! MF is 3lbs 7.2 oz and 25 ml of milk. Both girls showing good signs of catching on to eating! New fresh beds and clean happy babes!

EK has been a hoot with Tootie in town! We have laughed so hard at her dancing, surprise this girl can dance! Her faces have been classic. She has had so much fun putting on her ek show!! Poppa already taught her what Santa says, she loves Christmas already! Her expression when she sees the tree in her room and front room makes it all worth it! No matter what we are faced with we will spread the holiday cheer...in poppy voice, " happy holidays!" Next up real tree and trees for the girls!